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Given by sleepbabie
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I must say "sorry" to all the people i have offended or disgusted on this site.
I'm not apologising for posting naked self-portraits. I am apologising for being too coy, for not really showing what I intended to show.
Originally I wanted to celebrate the feminine aspects of my officially male body. I have this weird thing - that I can pass myself off as being normally male, I have a very male (that is to say grim, thuggish, stupid) face, I have a deep voice, I can be surly and angry and people think I'm a regular guy.
If only they knew me better. 
Since the age of about 15, I have felt much happier, more alive in female company. I can't cope with men, with male camaraderie, I hate most sport, I loathe cars, I don't like drinking pints of piss-poor beer in crowded pubs,  the smell of after-shave makes me sick, I can't fight, I am pacifist,  I love flowers, art, candles, joss sticks, colour, pattern, fabrics, beautiful clothes, slow old bicycles with baskets and bunches of plastic flowers wrapped around the handlebars. I love poetry and music and small plates of leafy salad. People can't understand why I like what they call "girly" movies (films in which people actually talk to each other) rather than boys' action stuff, where the guys grunt, the girls squeal, and the baddies get blown to pieces every five to ten minutes. I like Jane Austen; I don't like James Bond, although I have to admit Hemingway wrote beautiful English. 
Whenever I get a haircut and they start chatting about football, cars, horse-racing, or boxing, I try to join in , but they can tell I'm a fake after the first three seconds.
Yes I am a wimp, or what some in uk call a "poofta". A  weed, a big girls' blouse - bring them on, these lovely insults!
I have (or had ) several gay friends and I used to think that's what i must be - repressed gay. SO i tried it out, with lots of encouragement from others, and I realised I wasn't gay, in that way. 
For years I was teased and mocked for my body. Specifically the thing that most fat, under-developed little boys get mocked for.  I was a "late developer". I was a podgy schoolboy, and I reacted: I became what I now realise was borderline anorexic at 17. By 20 I was 6 foot 2 and weighed 112 pounds. My max weight since has been 140 pounds, and I am always unhappy when I get to that weight. 
I want to weigh nothing.
Alas I still have this stupid lanky body to drag around.
By showing too much of it here I was hoping to effect some magic cure. But you were all too kind to me, you  really were kind and caring and sweet.
You have helped me but I find that when people are kind, I react badly - I want to do worse things so that in the end you all hate me.
You understand this perversity?
I am not sure if I do, but again, thanks for accompanying me on this strange journey.
STOP THIS TRAIN, I WANT TO GET OFF!
no you don't, liar, hypocrite! Heal thyself.
Thanks.
Love.

 
I must say "sorry" to all the people i have offended or disgusted on this site.
I'm not apologising for posting naked self-portraits. I am apologising for being too coy, for not really showing what I intended to show.
Originally I wanted to celebrate the feminine aspects of my officially male body. I have this weird thing - that I can pass myself off as being normally male, I have a very male (that is to say grim, thuggish, stupid) face, I have a deep voice, I can be surly and angry and people think I'm a regular guy.
If only they knew me better. 
Since the age of about 15, I have felt much happier, more alive in female company. I can't cope with men, with male camaraderie, I hate most sport, I loathe cars, I don't like drinking pints of piss-poor beer in crowded pubs,  the smell of after-shave makes me sick, I can't fight, I am pacifist,  I love flowers, art, candles, joss sticks, colour, pattern, fabrics, beautiful clothes, slow old bicycles with baskets and bunches of plastic flowers wrapped around the handlebars. I love poetry and music and small plates of leafy salad. People can't understand why I like what they call "girly" movies (films in which people actually talk to each other) rather than boys' action stuff, where the guys grunt, the girls squeal, and the baddies get blown to pieces every five to ten minutes. I like Jane Austen; I don't like James Bond, although I have to admit Hemingway wrote beautiful English. 
Whenever I get a haircut and they start chatting about football, cars, horse-racing, or boxing, I try to join in , but they can tell I'm a fake after the first three seconds.
Yes I am a wimp, or what some in uk call a "poofta". A  weed, a big girls' blouse - bring them on, these lovely insults!
I have (or had ) several gay friends and I used to think that's what i must be - repressed gay. SO i tried it out, with lots of encouragement from others, and I realised I wasn't gay, in that way. 
For years I was teased and mocked for my body. Specifically the thing that most fat, under-developed little boys get mocked for.  I was a "late developer". I was a podgy schoolboy, and I reacted: I became what I now realise was borderline anorexic at 17. By 20 I was 6 foot 2 and weighed 112 pounds. My max weight since has been 140 pounds, and I am always unhappy when I get to that weight. 
I want to weigh nothing.
Alas I still have this stupid lanky body to drag around.
By showing too much of it here I was hoping to effect some magic cure. But you were all too kind to me, you  really were kind and caring and sweet.
You have helped me but I find that when people are kind, I react badly - I want to do worse things so that in the end you all hate me.
You understand this perversity?
I am not sure if I do, but again, thanks for accompanying me on this strange journey.
STOP THIS TRAIN, I WANT TO GET OFF!
no you don't, liar, hypocrite! Heal thyself.
Thanks.
Love.

 

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:iconscheinbar:
scheinbar Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thank you very much :iconbigfav4plz:
Reply
:iconliliframboise:
Liliframboise Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks a lot to make a detour on my website. I do appreciate it.
Reply
:iconm00nst3r:
m00nst3r Featured By Owner Edited Aug 25, 2014
i'm vanishing too.

i'll still be watching you.

-and quite alright.  just doing some changing.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconm00nst3r:
m00nst3r Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
you're vanishing.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondevoman1948:
devoman1948 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014
Many thanks for the faving
Reply
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